Morrissey’s Deformed Penis
Music legend Morrissey has shocked the world with a candid photoshoot that reveals that he suffers from penis vinylschysis, or ‘Foxy’s Nob’ (named after its discoverer, ‘Doctor’ Neil Fox) a rare deformation in which the penis comes to closely resemble a 7″ single (12″ when aroused). Not only does Morrissey suffer from this condition, it appears, but also the entire line-up of his backing band. Rumours that the audition process solely involved confirming a preference for rockabilly and dropping of the trousers can now be seen to have some basis in fact.
Perhaps this will shed a whole new light on the history of the Smiths and the reasons for their break-up. Repeated requests made by myself to be allowed to examine Johnny Marr’s penis have been denied, however. Andy Roarke and Mike Joyce have yet to reply. Craig Gannon said he’d think about it.